Top Five European Destinations (And One I'm Begging You to Stop Going To)

I am going to be honest with you: there are no bad European destinations. There are, however, European destinations that have been ruined by 47,000 other people trying to take the same photo of the same gelato shop. Let's choose wisely.

1. Lisbon, Portugal. The honest answer to 'where should I go in Europe.' Hilly, cheap-ish, sunny, full of tile, full of music, full of small grandmothers selling things out of windows. Take the tram, eat the pastéis, get lost in Alfama on purpose.

2. The Amalfi Coast, Italy. Yes, it's a cliché. Yes, it's also exactly as good as the Instagram suggests. Stay in Praiano instead of Positano — same coastline, half the people, you can actually find a parking space. Take the ferry, not the road, unless you enjoy gentle vehicular trauma.

3. The Scottish Highlands. Castles. Sheep. Whisky. A 7-day road trip from Edinburgh through Glencoe to Skye will reset your nervous system. Bring waterproof everything. 'Sunny day in Scotland' is a phrase, not a guarantee.

4. The Greek island of Naxos. Not Santorini. NOT Santorini. Naxos. It's bigger, it's quieter, it has real towns where real people live and the beaches are better. Santorini is for sunset photos and crying about how much you spent on dinner.

5. Slovenia. The entire country. Lake Bled is what you put on the postcard but Ljubljana is what you'll write home about — a tiny capital with a river running through it, dragons on every bridge, and the best lazy afternoon café culture this side of Vienna.

And one I'm begging you to skip in peak season: central Venice in July. It is hot. It smells. The city is sinking under our collective tote bags. Go in November. Wear a coat. Have it almost to yourself. Thank me later.

Real tip: pick TWO countries max per trip. The 'six countries in ten days' itinerary is how people end up sobbing in a train station in Munich. Stay longer. Walk more. Eat lunch like it's a job.